I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
