I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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