Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
