In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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