I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
