Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
