Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
