I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
