I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize