Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
