I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
