its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
