Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you traded sex for a burrito?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
