Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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