These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
