You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
