"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
