Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
