I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
