New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
