I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
