There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
