the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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