mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
