The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
