i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
how does that bad decision feel?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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