I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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