I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
