Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
