the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
