Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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