My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
