So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
