I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
