goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
