THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
