PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
