Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
