I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
