my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
