Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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