I think I won the penis lottery.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
