Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
