i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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