She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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