omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
