I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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