did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Sober January is a disaster.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
