He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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