I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
