Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Please don't give away my fajitas
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize