i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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