Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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