Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Alive.
So much puke
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
