My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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