Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
