I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
