You can't motorboat a personality
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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