Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
