walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize