so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
