Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Michael Bay diarrhea
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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