Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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