I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
