My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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