Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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