When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The feeling are messing with the penis
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
