took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
