I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
