How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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