I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
