stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize