did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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