Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
