Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you would pick up someone in the library
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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