The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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